can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
