I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
