She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
