Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
