I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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