so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
no, he came in my armpit
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
