Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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