apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
