guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
