we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
