I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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