my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
