their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
