I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
