apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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