You just made me feel so damn special
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
