No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
