I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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