it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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