I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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