Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
