My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
