I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
