He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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