just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
