Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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