i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
