you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
