That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
