I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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