Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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