yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
