my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
