We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
