Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
birth control should be required to get into college
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
