Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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