Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
