Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
