Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
