What a fucking waste of an outfit
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
