Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize