he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.