Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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