is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
