You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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