onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
