I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
BRING THE BAGELS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
