Who did Billy Mays play for?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
