dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
