Dual....:-)
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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