Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
