I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
