yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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