Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
