i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
