If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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