i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
