I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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