I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
