The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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