Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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