ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
