Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
