White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
