I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
