he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
