Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
