youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
